It's beginning to feel a not like Christmas.

Blog 27

Are you all getting excited? Have you all posted your letters to Santa asking for a new crack pipe or a longer lasting erection. It's feeling very much like Christmas here apart from it's 32 degrees, clear blue skies, no tinsel, no Christmas trees, no endless, remorseless fxxking adverts, no carol singing bastards knocking on the door, no mistletoe, no Christmas lights or mince pies (thank fxxk) but I am pissed and can't be arsed moving out of my sofa, so I am making an effort to get into the swing of things.
I've been in Pai for a few days now. I've rented out a cheap 125cc scooter for about £1.50 a day. You need one here as most of the things you want to see are out of town in the surrounding hillsides. 

So I've checked some waterfalls and other stuff, all pretty cool but I can't be bothered describing it all to you. Well, okay, the waterfalls were wet. Will that do?
I've been cruising around with a Scottish cat called Ryan. We're going to do a loop from Pai through Mae Hong Son and all that. 

It's about 750 km, so that'll be fun on the motorbike equivalent of a stick insect. We're loosely planning on taking about four days. We were loosely planning on heading off today but it didn't happen. We are very loose. Now before you all start calling us lazy you need to know that we've had quite a productive day. We rode up towards the foothills of the mountain and my friend, not me, scored some dope off some old village women. Aggressive little bxxches. Absolutely no bartering etiquette. They ended up ordering us out of the village saying 'You no buy, you no buy' but being culturally sensitive we stood our ground and ended up getting a big bag for 250 baht. It must have been because they secretly liked us, although we were expecting some friendly Thai police to be waiting at the bottom. Now that would have made an interesting sight. Two long haired hippies trying to lose the police on 125cc mopeds while they're scattering a bag of dirt weed to the four winds. Anyway, may I take the opportunity to wish you all a very merry Christmas and if I can't be arsed writing before, Have a wonderful new year. 

Speechy.