About Me

My photo
I'm here to promote irresponsibility and endorse carelessness. I'm old enough to know better and young enough to still be reckless. I'm originally from the U.K but have spent long periods of time living abroad and travelling abroad. In all honesty I find the western world too clinically clean and sterile. How can anything thrive in such a sterile environment? My last six years have been spent stagnating, trying to fit into the social norm. I can't. I'm not normal and strange as it sounds, I'm proud of that. My sense of disconnect to something greater was depleting, so, I'm doing what I do best. Falling through life. I have no plans for the future, so lets see if the future has plans for me.Apart from that, I'm a bloke. I'm single, after all who the f@#k would put up with me? I enjoy adventure sports like paragliding, rock climbing, mountain biking and a little bit of caving. I generally make an effort to not to care less about life in general. https://steemit.com/@carp100

Blog Archive

Translate

Thursday 24 November 2016

Happy, Happy, pizza, please!

Blog 17


The difference between 'happy' pizza/shakes and 'magic' pizza/shakes is wanting your mum and taking Thorazine for the rest of your life. Bullshit man, I would endorse both of these to any of my clients, if I had any. 
I had a happy pizza tonight. This is how it goes: 'Happy pizza, please'. 'Happy pizza'. 'Yep, extra happy happy'. 'Ok, extra happy happy'. 1st quarter of pizza: 'Nice pizza but I can't taste much'. 2nd quarter of pizza: 'The only thing happy about this pizza is the fact that it's served with beer'. 3rd quarter of pizza: ' look at that dog pulling a funny face at me'. Final slice: 'fxxk, I better pay for this'.
Speechless.

Debauchery.

Blog 16
The view approaching Koh Rong island is one of those views you don't need to take a photo of as it is deeply etched in your mind and as time passes, the mental photograph only improves. All that was missing was some black dude, leaning up against a wooden piling, singing 'sitting on the dock of the bay'. It is the eve of the biggest super moon in living memory. So I'm expecting chaos............ Nah, don't like this first person, here and now narrative. I'll save it for when I need it. 
It was the eve..........Have you noticed how I'm using........................a lot lately? I quite like it...........................do you? It made me feel like singing a sea shanty, until I saw all the backpacks. But, in all honesty, even though there are many like myself on the island, its super ultra chill. I expected to see drunken westerners staggering along the sand track, kicking a light covering of the powdery white stuff over their spew. 
We were the only ones doing that.
Kevin is great but so as to protect his anonymity I will call him Donald Trump (made up name). Donald has the best. The purest MDMA, clean synthetic mescaline and pure liquid LSD. According to Donald, his LSD contact is a seventy eight year old chemist who was one of the four original chemists to cook up the original California sunshine. I haven't googled it but I had no reason to disbelieve him. Donald Trump tore the veil many years ago and is now quite comfortable flitting between parallel universes. He dropped two splashes of acid on his tongue while I was talking to him. Contrary to what some of you are thinking, Donald is switched on and with it. He is alert and eloquent. A psychedelic scholar. Unlike myself. 
My friend, Hilary Clinton (made up name) and I were like a pair of kids in a sweet shop. and got a mixed bag. May I point out at this point that I've just pointed out that before leaving the un-United Kingdom of (formerly) Great Britain that I had not touched drugs apart from mild hash for about twenty years. I hadn't touched a drop of alcohol in eight months and hadn't smoked a cigarette in two years. Oh, how quickly we slip into decades old habits. When given half the chance.
So it was the biggest full super moon in living memory and we were loaded and we were on the island of Koh Rong.........................but that's another story.
Speechless.

Go wrong too long in Koh Rong, prt 1 (The shit ship.)



Blog 15
The boat was about forty five minutes late, which in Cambodia is on time. There were, approximately two passengers for every life jacket. I think this was done purposely, for the entertainment value of the crew, watching the fight break out as the boat goes down. Die laughing. Why not?
Just to add to it all, the narrow walk way was blocked with fold out chairs to squeeze more passengers in and probably add to the crews entertainment in the case of an emergency.
I stealthily slid out the back and sat outside next to the big diesel engine which was held in place by an ancient strop and a ratchet that was rat shit.
The steel of the ratchet was rusted so thin that I kept giving it the odd glance, thinking 'this could go any minute and if it does, the whiplash will peel the skin off my face'. Are you having your dinner? Good. The toilet was the most amazing sight. I took a photo of it. I will see if I can upload it. Basically the floor, the walls and even THE CEILING were covered in shit. Now due to the fact that I didn't see any elephants on the boat doing 'dirty protests', my only explanation is that the toilet exploded. Boom! Oh shit! You may want to put your fork down for a second. On closer inspection you could see that it was dried and had been there for a while. The conversation between the crew must have been 'Bog's blown up again'. 'Well don't look at me, I'm not cleaning it. I'm in charge of hiding the life jackets'. ''Ah, fxxk it, the flies will polish it off within a couple of weeks and it's only the passengers who use it, anyway.
Entertainment boys, entertainment'.
Much to the disappointment of the crew, no one drowned and no one used the toilet.
Koh Rong island is, well................. another story.
Speechless.