Blog 35
So where do I start? at the good end or the sticky,shitty end of the broken woodworm riddled fxxking shite probing stick? This is fxxing bullshit. As I've mentioned, my bike is a crash course in patience. Fxxk Zen, even Osho would have booted my bike by now. The Dalai Lama would have, at least spat on the demonic shit, and certain other religious leaders would have had it be-tanked (or bespoked, now that's a fxxking good joke). I prefer stoning. So, due to the fact that my bike is a collection of inaminate objects, I've stoned myself instead.
Before you think I'm going off on one just fxxking hear me out. Right, the bike fxxked up again. The front wheel bearing disintegrated, which is no big problem as long as you don't need to steer. The brakes have fallen asleep and the gearbox is overheating but apart from that she's running like a fxxking dream.
You know one of those dreams were no matter how much you punch the fxxker you hate in your dream in the head you don't seem to damage them. The kind of dream where the energy is there but the legs won't run. The dream where.......... you wake up in the dorm with a hard on thinking' fxxk I hope everyone's still asleep and no one noticed that'. You get where I'm coming from. So, how's this for a load of fxxking bullshit. I put my two wheeled fxxking satan worshipper into the mechanics this morning because I only want the best for the cxxt. Therefore I needed to hire a scooter for the day to get around because I'm a bit out of town here and it was a good day for ripping around.
Guess what? Yep, that's fxxking, bloody right. Some motherfxxking cxxt stole my hired out moped. Went into a bar for a couple of relaxing beers, stayed for another as the last three really hit the meditation spot and then had a couple of cheeky ones for the road. Went to get on the bike.
It wasn't fxxking there!
Now before you start thinking your predictable fxxking bullshit, I thought the same. Yep, yer fxxking drunk plus that guy dribbled a load of hash oil down your Camel cigarette. You're so smashed, you've forgotten where you've parked your bike. But I hadn't. I remember getting off it and walking across the road straight into the bar.
I walked up and down the road until two people asked me if I'd lost my bike. That's how much I searched. I had to go back to the bar to have a beer to calm down. So I jumped on the back of a motodop and got a lift back. Fxxk... What a cxxt. If IT DOESN'T COME BACK I'm GOING TO HAVE TO REPLACE THE BASTARD. I'm only hoping that some dumb cxxt tourist has mistaken my bike for his. Got back and the rental guy's gone' That's not my fxxking bike!'. It happens.
My key fits every Honda fxxking Win on the road. These 'waves' and 'airblades' only have about five keys between them. I wouldn't mind but I gave some destitute old lady ten thousand riel this afternoon ( probably while someone was starting up my bike... Karma!..... Fxxking karma..... Actually yeah, maybe if I hadn't given her that money I may have got on my bike before it was taken and ended up with three quarters of my face filling in the gaps between the gravel. After being run over by a tuk tuk, two mopeds and a oil tanker.
So, fxxk it, I'm just going to have to face up to the situation. Tomorrow. I'll face up to it tomorrow.
Like a man.
Speechless.
